“Don’t tell so and so…”

My biggest pet peeve ever…well, aside from people who lie and cheat.

Maybe you know what I’m talking about. Imagine you have someone in your family who falls ill. Maybe nothing very serious, but, let’s just say that it lands them in the hospital. You find out that they are ill and you make a phone call to speak to them or someone with them at the hospital. Let’s say you are also part of a very large family. So, you tell them that you are going to make some calls and let everyone know that this person is in the hospital and what is going on. The response you get from the one you are talking to? “Don’t tell <insert name of family member here>, because I don’t want them to worry.” I HATE THIS. (Sorry for the use of caps, but this really bothers me, and I will tell you why.)

When I moved to Michigan, it was on September 8, 2006. It was a really stressful time, because when I left, my house was in the process of being sold, but had not been sold yet. I needed to get my children enrolled in school and I couldn’t wait much longer if I was going to make this move. I finally sold my house and bought a new one, which I closed on on October 16, 2006. About a week or two later, I am on the phone with my mother and she says to me “Oh, by the way, your grandmother in Cuba died.” I ask when. She says “oh, about a week after you left. But, I didn’t want to worry you, so I didn’t say anything.”

I hung up the phone with her and wanted to punch something.

Now, am I foolish for feeling this way? Does it make any difference that she waited over a month to tell me something that I could do nothing about? I think it does make a difference. Even though I was going through a stressful time in my own life, I felt as though my ability to say goodbye to my Abuelita (even if it was with an unrequited conversation) was somehow robbed from me. Now that it was too late, as she was quite dead and buried, I felt as though I couldn’t say anything to tell her I loved her and would miss her. Granted, I know that those unspoken words would never reach her anyway, as she had passed, but it isn’t about how she felt or whether she would actually hear them, but rather, how I felt and still feel today.

So, today, the same thing happened. Someone I know is in the hospital, and although it may not be anything serious, I want other family members to know. If for nothing else, then for them to call and inquire on how this person is doing. What was the response I received? “Don’t tell <insert family member’s name here>, they are working and I don’t want them to worry. Besides, it’s not that big of a deal and they might get upset or worry.” Seriously? And, what if it DOES turn serious? What if it so happens that the moment is gone and that one person cannot say anything anymore, because you thought it was best to wait for…for what? A better moment to say a few words to someone, whether or not it is a serious matter?

Now, I am sure that the person doing this has everyone’s best interest at heart, but what they are failing to see and understand, is that they are robbing other people the chance to say something, anything, to those they care about. Because, as we all know, life is short. And, it is always best to talk to those you care about, but life gets in the way, and we sometimes can’t. But, if a moment arises where you can put the troubles of life on the back burner, to speak to someone who is ill and maybe would appreciate a kind word, why would you deny that to them?

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The holy trinity exists (it’s not what you think)

There are many things I’ve discovered in my 40 years of life on this Earth. Some of them have proven to be true. Others, not so much. For example, the statement that “everything happens for a reason” is a lovely platitude that I used to recite to myself whenever some things just didn’t go my way. But, I call bullshit on “everything happens for a reason”. This phrase is meant to excuse away things that do not go as planned. Do things actually all have a reason for occurring? Yes, they do. At least, according to physics.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Everything Happens for a Reason

But, when people use this phrase to say “something or someone f*cked up my plans, so there must be something greater behind it”. Well, that’s just plain ol’ crap. Physics aside, some things just happen because life can be shitty and people can be shitty. People will die on you or move away or stop talking to you. Is that because of some grand plan? Nope. It’s just the way life is.

Another thing I’ve learned about life in the past 40 years is that there IS a holy trinity. There are three things that are absolutely necessary to live a fulfilling life, however, the difficulty comes in having those three things together at the same time. That, my friends, is the crux of the issue. And these three elusive things, I have found, very rarely are able to co-exist in time together. You either get one, but not the others. Or you may get lucky enough to have two, but then one just slips away from you. You’re probably wondering what those three things are? Well, they are…..

The holy trinity

The holy trinity

Yes, folks, the holy trinity is made up of LOVE, HEALTH, and WEALTH. I suppose you could say that these things combined make up what we love to call the “American Dream”, however, I think that these three things are what everyone is attempting to capture and hang on to.

So, what is LOVE? When I’m talking about love, I’m talking about a relationship with another person. A significant other. Yes, there is love that you have for your children, or your pets, or your extended family. But, that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about that meaningful relationship you spend your entire life trying to find; the pursuit of another person that will put up with your quirks, your bullshit, your good days and your bad days. Now, I’m sure not everyone feels the need to have love in their lives – at least, not in the form of another person – but, best believe that the idea of love is still prominent in their lives. Maybe they really love money and the love of money, along with the money itself, make up two of the sides of the trinity. Either way, love is definitely a player in this holy trinity.

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HEALTH. This is a big one. I’m talking about being sound of mind, body, and spirit. If you have a toothache, you get it fixed. But, at the end of the day, there is nothing that is going to immediately kill you and you are, overall, healthy. Not everyone has this luxury. Some people suffer from silent illnesses, such as mental illness. They appear to be sound on the outside, yet you have no idea of the amount of agony they are suffering on the inside. Or, someone who suffers from diseases such as cancer or celiac disease. They seem okay, as the problem is on the inside of their bodies, but they do not have true health.

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WEALTH. Now, I’m not talking about winning the lottery here. I’m not even talking about being middle class. I’m talking about having enough money to pay your bills, put food on the table, and a roof over your head. That’s it. Just enough to cover the basics. This, I consider wealth. If you can sleep at night, knowing that you’ve got the basics covered, then you are better off than many people in this world.

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These three things are the cornerstone to a fulfilling, happy life. Here, however, is what I have found. It is damn near impossible to have all three of these things at once in life. You may find “the one” that you are meant to be with, and then BAM! you lose your job. Or, you are feeling great and healthy, your relationship with your significant other is stable, and you love your job, when BOOM! you get a pain in your side, and after visiting the doctor, you discover you need surgery, which then has you missing work for months on end. These things happen, folks. I know they’ve happened to me.

 

I also like to call it the “other shoe” problem. Although, I think Charlie Brown said it best:

charlie-brown

 

Tell me your stories of your “holy trinity”. Have you managed to obtain this elusive triad and not lose it?